Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
