just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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