I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
