I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Randomize
