Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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