all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
So many bounce houses so little time
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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