Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
