My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
