i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize