i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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