i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
