I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
