Only a mothe r could love this liver
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
