my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
where are my eyebrows?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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