I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
