I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize