I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
