no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize