you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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