I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
