You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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