i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
