Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
