Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
