Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
