How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
