The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
