and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
