bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
