My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
