i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
