so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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