Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
false alarm, still single
Randomize
