2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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