THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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