I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
