we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
