Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
My liver just had a heart attack.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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