i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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