I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
