I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
