Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
