Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize