Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
