I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
How external is "for external use only"?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
