I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
