just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
