____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize