Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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