Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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