dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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