I only kidnapped one of them. chill
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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