I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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