Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
