I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
