Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
