dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
