I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
