I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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