I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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