I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
