Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
