..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
