Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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