next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
