a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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