Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
