I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
