i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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