I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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