She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
