Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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