Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
