she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
