I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
