I want to make a zoo with you.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
