i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
