just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Randomize
