Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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