So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Hello my rib-scented angel!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
