Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
