Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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