Sponge bath it is.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
