I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
