I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
