As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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